ILLUSION

Was it a dawn or a dusk

Neither very vivid nor very blur

Smelt a bit muddy or was it musk

Were you an angel or a mere fur?

Pic. Google Images

We loved something, that wasn't ours

How we forgot, not all cloud showers

We gently let you go to the divinity you belong

Precious bond we shared, though wasn't long !

Life holds true with whites and blacks

Hope time will merge us back on tracks

Stronger we grew, life is a lesson

Being far appeared closer, what an illusion !!

Sailing Ship in Fabric of Love

As she climbs the stairs , she calls my name. Can you come and hold this for me? Heavy looks the bag in her hand. Pass it to me I say, and hold her bag with care. I know things inside are precious. They won't break as they are not fragile but need to be handled with care as they are priceless. Here we are in the room and ready to open the bag. The mercury has fallen down due to rain last night, pretty unusual weather for the month of May. Old lady in her seventies, my sensei who taught me how to survive with language in Japan, has offered me to wear Kimono. I was excited as I adore Japanese culture a lot and wearing this attire I was hoping would be fascinating. Most importantly Kimono that I am supposed to wear today is from her wedding, the one she wore when became a beautiful bride with eyes full of dreams of lovely days ahead. As sensei takes a sip of coffee that was waiting for her on the table, she unwraps the history of kimono.


She goes on telling me how from the days of emperors to post world war era kimonos have evolved. The glory and fame of the emperors of those days would symbolically also reflect on the kimono their women would wear. The fabric used were high quality silk while the prints used traces of gold and platinum. Those kimono were not just beautiful but full of pride of Japanese prosperity. Today not everyone women wears Kimono but people still love to have one set of kimono at disposal. However, this is also changing as the buying culture is being replaced by rental culture not because people don't like to wear them but they are getting too expensive to afford. Just like every where else Japanese life style even though comparatively insular is quite influenced by Western lifestyle. Sensei was unwrapping the kimono set along with the legacy it carries in a beautiful way. As I touched the fabric of Kimono, I could feel the coolness of silk. Sensei started explaining the pattern. One of the pattern was really beautiful. There was a sailing ship. It looked like a painting to me and I asked sensei about that one. She explained that the sailing ship was something her grandfather painted in the kimono for her mother. The kimono was legendary that was passing down the generation. Her mother wore it as a bride and she did the same. Her grandfather who drew the ship was not a professional artist. Yet his love for his daughter was clearly reflecting in that piece of art. In my own thoughts I went on interpreting the sailing ship in the kimono. The ship could have been there representing life as a journey. As in a journey, life passes through several stages; Wedding being one of them. He might have thought just like a ship encounters various challenges while crossing a sea, his daughter could go through ups and downs but a stong ship which might be a metaphor of a determined heart stands un-wrecked making the voyage smooth. He was probably wishing his daughter a capacity to be resilient through out the journey of life. The other interesting thing was that the ship painted was very colorful so he must have also thought that the new beginning of his daughter's life is going to be very colorful and blessed. I am not sure if sensei ever had an answer to why the ship was there but for me it was interesting to interpret my own thoughts than to seek the real answer.

The ship had more meanings for me. Until a daughter is young she is very close to her father just like a ship before it begins its independent journey is tied up in a port, just as a father nurtures a little girl. Once set free she is on her own. Though the bond is still there, there is a bit of physical distance and though she knows she can always come back to him she is the master of her life. A sailing ship to me metaphorically represented a fully grown daughter ready to begin her new destiny. The whole kimono event at the end of the day made me think of my father. I realized that years back I left the port just like this ship did,  though going back and forth, but totally on my own in the journey of life.

Quest for Identity

It was last October I met Adam in a conference of peace and justice in Canada. The best thing about being part of international conferences is you get to meet like-minded people and build networks. I was presenting in this conference but for me it was more about learning from other participants experiences. I met Adam in one of the tea breaks and started talking about my interests in the field of peacebuilding. I am widely traveled and have seen many countries and cultures but my passion for working in my homeland cannot be hidden in any conversation. Adam got to learn this immediately but to my surprise this seven feet tall white guy replies back " Tapai Nepali Bolnu Huncha."? ( Meaning - Do you speak Nepali? ) This was one of those incredible moments which is too beautiful to be true. In the foreign land a foreign guy talks to me in my mother tongue, what else could be more rewarding to me in that conference? Adam had apparently volunteered in Darjeeling for several education camps in past years. Darjeeling not only gave him the chance to learn Nepali language and culture but he also met his soul partner Nayantara. Adam and Nayantara are now married with two beautiful kids; Nirvan and Shantipriya.
I was invited by this couple for dinner at their place. It was a beautiful evening, not as cold as it could get for December nights in Waterloo. Their house decor gave me a warmth of homeland. They had made it to seem like a little Nepal. They mentioned Nirvan their 5 year old boy was only speaking Nepali when he was home but since he started kindergarten he started forgetting some of it. He totally understands the language though. Both the parents were upset with this and they insisted Nirvan to speak Nepali at home. This made me feel "Wow". I have been to many immigrant families where parents push their children to speak English at home so that they can compete with their contemporaries at school.This has even generated a group of youths that have started searching for their identity later at some point of life. Not to blame who is wrong in this I see this as a consequence of globalization that opens up almost everything for you but makes you confused with your own identity. Adam is a Canadian and so is Nayantara now and definitely the kids are by default but look at the names they got. Adam was even concerned if the name Shanti is relevant enough to describe the inner and the worldly peace. I have a name that makes no sense in Nepali language. People ask me every time what would my name mean in Nepali. I have no answer for them. It does not mean every name has to reflect the nationality but our affinity to get names of western culture is also blurring our identity in someway.
By identity I don't solely mean attributes like name and language. To me identity is broader. It is about your connection to who you are and where you have your roots. Adam and Nayantara run education camps in Darjeeling every year. Are you thinking if they are given grants for this? They don't get any funding for it but they do several creative ways of fundraising in Canada to make money for it. Charity has no limits and it is hard to agree with Mother Teresa when it comes to giving, Mother Teresa said" You can only give when you have enough for yourself". How much is enough? Nayantara has a short hair to her ear length. She used to have a long hair down her waist. She donated her hair to a cancer patient.
After a typical Nepali dinner, Adam drops me home. On the way we talk about his interest in serving in Nepal and India. I asked him if he would be interested to teach in Nepal in some university after his PhD that he is finishing in a couple of months. He mentioned he would love to but that to him is more like taking away a job of a competent Nepali specially when Nepal is going through this viscous cycle of poverty and political instability. So much I learnt in an evening on what can identity mean. And, now I question. Should we be calling ourselves a proud citizen after we know we haven't cared enough for our country? In the quest of picking the masks that makes us look beautiful are we trying to unmask the one that makes us the real us? This evening spent with the lovely family gave me an inspiration to reflect on my inner self..........

Quest for Identity